Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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