all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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