I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
