brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Terrible idea I love it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
