I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
