Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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