Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
