Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Boobs speak an international language.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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