I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
where am i from again
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
