He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dicks are not precious.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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