Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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