Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
