Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
