I just threw up on my dentist
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
