I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
