Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
