so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
