she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
