oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
