What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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