we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just want nice things and good sex
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
