Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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