i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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