How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
