I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
