He kissed a someone with a penis
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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