Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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