It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
