i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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