i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
