real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Can i not drive my cunt home
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
