Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize