every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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