i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
