you didnt know i had herpes?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
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