I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
