I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
