yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
