Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
