I must be too annoying 4 u.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
