I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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