I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
