She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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