Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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