Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
