I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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