Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Your shirt... Was in my pants
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
