she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
