I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
