Me too!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
