She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
