I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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