Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
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Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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