Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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