I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
