Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
