So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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