im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
