I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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