hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize