I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
