Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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