Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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