Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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