dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
