Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
