can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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