He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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