If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
