Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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