you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
